A man walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and notices he has a steering wheel stuck down the front of his pants. "Hey," he says, "What's with the steering wheel down your pants?" "Ach," says the man, "it's drivin' me nuts!"

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe and they proceed to get drunk. The giraffe drinks so much it passes out on the floor. The man gets up and heads for the door to leave when the bartender yells, "Hey! You can't leave that lyin' there!" The drunk replies, "That's not a lion! It's a giraffe."

a woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre, so he gave her one

A man walks into the bar and says "OWWWW!"

A man ordered a drink in the bar they bar man says "im sorry mate you to drunk i cant serve you"
"Im not drunk I tell you Im not"The bar man thinks of a way to test if the mans drunk
"okay stand up and walk if you can fair enough I will serve you"The man tries to walk but is doing so with great difficulty the bar man says ok you drunk now please leave get in a taxi and go home the man does so.The bar man wakes up the next morning feeling rather guilty he decieds to ring his home to make sure he got home safely his wife answers
"hello"
"hi i sent your husband home last night is he ok?"
"yes he is but theys a problem,he forgot his wheel chair"

two peanuts walk into a bar, one was a salted.

*gets his coat*

this ones a bit better though.....

A string walks into a bar.

He asks for a shot of tequilla. The bartender replys "Sorry we don't serve strings". So the string leaves.

The next day, the same string walks back into the bar. He asks for a shot of tequilla. The bartender replys "Sorry we do not serve strings, please go away."

The following day the string stands outside the bar debating about whether to go in or not. He ties himself in a knot and frays the bottom of the string.

He goes in and asks for a shot of tequilla. The bartender replys "Hey aren't you that string that's been coming in here all the time."

They string replys "No I'm a freyed knot".

i heard that on so many cartoons you know

A man walks into a bar and the barman says "what would you like?" and the man says "thats very kind of you ill have a pint" as the barman gives him his pint he says "£2 please". The man then says "hang on, you said 'what would you like' so that means you offered me a drink so you have to pay for it". the barman throws him out a tells him never to come back. the next day the man comes back and the barman says "i barred you yesterday so why are you back". the man said " i wasnt in yesterday" barman said "oh, you must have a double?" then the man said "thanks, make it a vodka".

A dyslexic man walked into a bra

Edited at 13:05 Mon 16/05/05 (BST)

nicknax walked into the bar and after a sip of achohol he was out on the floor.


joke ;-)

lol

kev, its that bad its funny!

yup

Beer Nuts vs. Deer Nuts

How can you tell the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
The Beer Nuts are about a dollar fifty and the Deer Nuts are under a Buck