Be very proud to be British Because:

Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Britain... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a DIET coke.

Only in Britain... do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

Only in Britain... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Britain... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

Only in Britain... are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.

Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.

31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.

British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents.

101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.

18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.

8 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of control Scalextric cars.



And finally.........
In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet.

lmfao

where do u get all this from because its all great?!

Just random stuff I get sent from other people that also do no work all day!

Some of the jokes are just taken off random joke pages though.

ok. 99.9% are class

superp jokes though

ye and 130,000 a year die of aids

In fact its a lot higher than that, 3,100,000 people died of aids last year alone.

Which is why I don't think it should be used in a joking manner, or as an insult to someone else.

very true

I read the first post, very funny.

Wouldn't allow myself to read the second one though, big_lion is currently laughin like a spaz in my earhole! lol

LMFAO

very good :)

and all those aids victims couldnt have all been in the uk?! cuz this thread is about the uk, and you said more than 3 million dies of it..?

very funny simon i guess thats not one of your normal "babbling rubbish" lol xxXXxx (you no i'm only joking)

she aint u know

pmsl, si were u one of those ppl in a+e after opening a beer bottle wiv ur teeth?

^_^
have a nice day

those first things were first applied to americans....

I had that in my website once lol

nice ones

i love the ambulance pizza one
alot of those are true about the USA too

loving those facts simon!!!

That is great. All true, made me laugh - love this one:

Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

and i have also injured myself doing this:

58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers. hehe, silly me!