Place Some Good Jokes Here (non about Micheal J)

Two cows are standing in a field.
One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?"
"No", said the other one.. "It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"



On a crowded bus, one man noticed that another man had his eyes closed.
"What's the matter? Are you sick?" he asked.
"No, I'm okay. It's just that I hate to see old ladies standing."

Not appropriate, Mich.

Edited by forum moderator katie_bug, at 16:31 Mon 20/07/09 (BST)

Please remember to keep the jokes clean and acceptable to the forum rules.

Thanks

Ha! lol

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, We'll never forget you'

What did Beyonce say to the little boy who lost his balloon?





IM PMSL @ That! Just got told that on MSN

After Wayne Bridge refused to play for England while John Terry remains captain, Fans are now urging John Terry to try it on with Emile Heskys wife

Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?

Sam: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

A man rushes into his house and yells at his wife:

'Brenda Brenda, pack ya things. I've just won the lottery,'
Brenda replies, 'shall i pack for warm weather or cold?'
'I don't care,' says the man , 'just as long as you're out of the house by noon,'






Typical Man! hahaha

PMSL


A man walks into a doctor's office with a stick of celery in one ear, a carrot in the other and a grape up his nose.

Confused, the man asks "Doctor, what's wrong with me?"
the doctor looks at the man and replies "You're not eating properly!"

HAHAHAHAHA!

A man got really drunk one night in his local pub. The barman refused to serve him any more alcohol and told him he should be heading home. The man thought this was a good idea so he stood up to leave but fell over straight away. He tried to stand up again but only fell over again.

He thought if only he could get outside and get some fresh air he'd be grand. So he crawled outside then tried to stand up and fell over again. In the end after falling over lots more he decided to crawl home. When he got back to his house he pulled himself up using the door handle but as soon as he let go he fell over again.

He had to crawl up the stairs and managed to fall over onto the bed and fell asleep. When he finally woke up the next morning his wife asked him what he was doing at the pub last night.

He denied it but she said, "I know you were there, the barman rang to say you forgot your wheelchair again...."

:O :O





A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing. The police arrive and ask for a description. She tells them he's 6 foot 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him.
The police then go to the next door neighbour to verify this report and the lady next door tells the police, "You can't believe her. He's 5 foot 4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face." The neighbor then goes and asks the lady why she gave the police such a false report. She replies, "Just because I reported him missing, doesn't mean I wanted him back!!

hahahaha


A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins. He pulls the guy over and says, "You can't drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately."

The guy says okay, and drives away. The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of penguins -- this time they're all wearing sunglasses. He pulls the guy over and demands, "I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday?"

The guy replies, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the beach!"

OH PMSL AT THAT ONE!!!!!

Lol

A man comes home from work to find his mate in bed with his wife, he kills his mate then and there to which his wife announced.."Carry on like that and you wont have any mates left!"

haha