cheers lol

Halle Berry Bares All

Halle Berry got a $500,000 bonus for her much-ballyhooed, first-ever topless scene in Dominic Sena's Swordfish. And Jay Leno got an unscheduled sneak peek when Berry guested on "The Tonight Show" shortly before the film's release...
Thanks to her plunging neckline, Berry revealed rather more to her host than she had planned. "My problem is, I've never sat down in this dress," said a blushing Berry as she attempted to cover herself.

Leno's impromptu reply? "My problem is... I can't stand up!"

no

Cash Flow

One day a man walks into a tatoo parlor and tells the tatto artist that he wanted a 100 dollar bill tatooed on his d*ck, the tattoo artist told him if he could give him three reasons why he wanted the tattoo he would give it to him. The man says. "Well, for one, I like to play with my money, two, I like to watch it grow, and three, if my wife wants to blow 100 dollars again, she doesnt have to go to the mall"

its so bad...

i think thats a good joke dont u get it?

supermega, if u can find sum1 hu lyks ur jokes i will not post again.

LITTLE JOHNNY ON ..... ENGLISH:

Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, ' Today we are going to
learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a
multi-syllable word?'

Johnny says ' Mas-tur-bate.'

Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, Little Johnny, that's a mouthful.'

Little Johnny says, ' No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob'

A teacher asks her class, ' If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you
shoot one of them, how many will be left?'

She calls on little Johnny. He replies, ' None, they will all fly away with
the first gun shot.'

The teacher replies, ' The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'

Then little Johnny says ' I have a question for you. There are three women
sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the
triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the
cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?'
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, ' Well, I suppose the one that's
gobbled down the top and sucked the cone. '

To which Little Johnny replied, ' The correct answer is 'the one with the
wedding ring on', but I like your thinking. '

A Girls Prayer

Lord

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong, One who's willy's thick and long.
One who thinks before he speaks,
When promises to call, he won't wait weeks.
I pray that he is gainfully employed,
And when I spend his cash, wont be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.

Oh! send me a man who will make love to my mind,
Knows just what to say, when I ask 'How big's my behind?'
One who'll make love till my body's a twitchin,
In the hall, the loo, the garden and kitchen!
I pray that this man will love me no end,
And never attempts to shag my best friend.
And as I kneel and pray by my bed,
I look at the wnka you sent me instead.

Amen.

livvycfc1888 ur jokes r not as funny as mine and i well always have the last joke.; ).
i.g the last post lol.

i thought my jokes wer funny :-(

Stupid people fearing
WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (actual AP headline) Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her inlaws, and while there, she went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.

Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car.

He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.

The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head.

A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.

And, yes, Linda is a blonde.

nooooooooooo

just read ur jokes and they r class lol, where did u get them from?

;-) cant reveal ma sources

?.......

Quick Facts


Nickname: The Gers. Bears. The Huns

Manager: Alex McLeish. - Nickname, GoldMember (Austin Powers 3)

Ground: Ibrox - known as Castle Greyskull. But should really be called Snake Mountain.

Key Players: Nacho Novo, Dado Prso, Stefano Klosarinho

Interesting: Equalled Old Firm Rivals Celtic's 9 in a row. Former players include Derek Johnstone, Gazza, Laudrup

Q: Who would David Murray play in Lord of the Rings ?

A: Legolas



Q: What do Rangers fans and mushrooms got in common?
A: They both sit in the dark and feed on nothing but shi*.



Dik Advocat was caught for speeding on his way to Murray Park today. "I'll do anything for 3 points", he said when questioned



Q: How many Rangers fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Don't matter, cos they're all condemned to eternal darkness anyway.