In the supermarket was a man pushing a cart which contained a screaming, bellowing baby. The gentleman kept repeating softly, "Don't get excited, Albert; don't scream, Albert; don't yell, Albert; keep calm, Albert."

A woman standing next to him said, "You certainly are to be commended for trying to soothe your son, Albert."

The man looked at her and said, "Lady, I'm Albert."

Give me free meat
It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.

He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow."

"I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face."

When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!"

Indiana Crazy Law
Looking for more dumb laws? Check out DumbLaws.com!
One man may not back into a parking spot becasue it prevents police officers from seeing the license plate.


Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March.


All males 18 to 50 years old must work six days a year on public roads.


Mustaches are illegal if the bearer has a tendency to habitually kiss other humans.


Hotel sheets must be exactly 99 inches long and 81 inches wide.


State government officials who engage in private duels can be dismissed from their post.

New York Crazy Law
The penalty for jumping off a building is death.


Slippers are not to be worn after 10:00 P.M.

Looking for more dumb laws? Check out DumbLaws.com!
A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking "at a woman in that way." A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a "pair of horse-blinders" wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll.

A person may not walk around on Sundays with an ice cream cone in his/her pocket.


While riding in an elevator, one must talk to no one, and fold his hands while looking toward the door.


A license must be purchased before hanging clothes on a clothesline.


It is against the law to throw a ball at someone's head for fun.

Carmel
A man can't go outside while wearing a jacket and pants that do not match.


Greene
During a concert, it is illegal to eat peanuts and walk backwards on the sidewalks.


New York
You may not smoke within 100 feet of the entrance to a public building.

Citizens may not greet each other by "putting one's thumb to the nose and wiggling the fingers".


Women may go topless in public, providing it is not being used as a business.


It is illegal for a woman to be on the street wearing "body hugging clothing."

Ocean City
It is illegal for men to go topless in the center of town.


It is illegal to eat in the street in residential neighborhoods, and the only beverage you can drink on the beach is water in a clear plastic bottle.


Staten Island
It is illegal for a father to call his son a "fag'got" or "que'er" in an effort to curb "girlie behavior."


You may only water your lawn if the hose is held in your hand.

The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked.

"Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac."

"I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour."

"That's not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?"

what a waste

A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes.

In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump.

''No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,'' he said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump.

As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. ''Here,'' she said, handling him his pack of cigarettes. ''I found them in the hallway.''

''Now,'' she said, ''if only I could find my parakeet.''

Passing a parrot
A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."

She was incredibly ticked now. The next day the same parrot again said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."

The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager replied, "That's not good," and promised he wouldn't say it again.

When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, "Hey lady."

She paused and said, "Yes?"

The bird said, "You know."

Q: Why don't blind people skydive?
A: It scares the heck out of the dog.

Texas Crazy Law
It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.


A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.

Looking for more dumb laws? Check out DumbLaws.com!
It is unlawful for a person to consume an alcoholic beverage while operating a motor vehicle upon a public roadway, if the person is observed doing so by a peace officer.

The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.


When two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone.


It is illegal to drive without windshield wipers. You don't need a windshield, but you must have the wipers.

You can be legally married by publically introducing a person as your husband or wife 3 times.


A city ordinance states that a person cannot go barefoot without first obtaining a special five-dollar permit.


It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel.

It is illegal to milk another person's cow.


Abilene
It is illegal to idle or loiter anyplace within the corporate limits of the city for the purpose of flirting or mashing.


Austin
Wire cutters can not be carried in your pocket.


Beaumont
Collegiate football is banned at Lamar University.

Borger
It is against the law to throw confetti, rubber balls, feather dusters, whips or quirts (riding crop), and explosive firecrackers of any kind.


Clarendon
It is illegal to dust any public building with a feather duster.


El Paso
Churches, hotels, halls of assembly, stores, markets, banking rooms, railroad depots, and saloons are required to provide spittoons "of a kind and number to efficiently contain expectorations into them."

Houston
Beer may not be purchased after midnight on a Sunday, but it may be purchased on Monday.


It is illegal to sell Limburger cheese on Sunday.


Galveston
It is illegal to drive a motor car down Broadway before noon on Sundays.


Jasper
Dogs must be on a leash at ALL times. Fine of 100 dollars.

LeFors
It is illegal to take more than three swallows of beer while standing.


Lubbock County
It is illegal to drive within an arm's length of alcohol - including alcohol in someone else's blood stream.


Mesquite
It is illegal for children to have unusual haircuts.